1. Don't say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell him it's his fault.
4. Bring up things that were said, done, or thought weeks, months, or years ago, Get mad when he doesn't remember.
5. Make him apologize for everything.
6. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
7. Play Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know" loud. Look at him. Smile.
8. Look him in the eye and start laughing.
9. Cry.
10. Get mad at him for everything.
11. Hold grudges.
12. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when he doesn't comply.
13. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
14. Use Daddy as a weapon. Tell him about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "Little Princess."
15. Be late for everything. Yell if he's late.
16. Talk about you ex-boyfriends. Compare and contrast.
17. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
18. Cry.
19. Make him guess what you want, and then get mad when he's wrong.
20. Plan little relationship anniversaries, ie the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library... for five minutes. Then get mad at him for forgetting. Then cry.
21. Gather many friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loudly.
22. Correct his grammar.
23. Claim you're fat. Ask him. Then cry, regardless of his answer.
24. Leave out the good parts in stories.
25. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same group. Make sure to cause trouble.
26. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
27. Cry.
28. Declare that you are not wacko.
29. Criticize the way he dresses.
30. Criticize the music he listens to.
31. Criticize his hair.
32. Ignore him. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell him if he doesn't know, you're not going to tell him.
33. Try to change him.
34. Try to mould him.
35. Try to get him to dance.
36. Pretend you're interested, lead him on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
37. When he screws up, never let him forget it.
38. Make him stay at religious services until he is ready to faint. Just because.
39. Blame everything on PMS.
40. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on him.
41. Whenever there's silence, ask him, "What are you thinking?"
42. Get mad if he doesn't notice a haircut. Ever if it's only half an inch.
43. Read into everything.
44. Over-analyze everything.
45. Cry.
46. Make it your goal to make him cry.
