~*Bad Kissers*~

Niagara Falls
A sloppy kisser who produces enough liquid for a regatta. Towel anyone?

The Undertaker
They exhibit a total lack of emotion, feel and make no effort to kiss back.

The Raw Oyster
They are cold and clammy to the touch and often have a runny nose.

The Octopus
Once you begin kissing, you'd swear that they have grown eight arms because their hands are all over your body (for some, this is a positive!).

The Brillo Pad
They haven't bumped elbows with shaving cream or a razor for days.

CPR
A person who exhales like a blowfish upon coming in contact with your lips.

The Pile Driver
Their tongue behaves like a drill bit on an oil rig in the Texas desert.

Cottonmouth Joe
Kissing them is like looking for water in Death Valley--none to be found.

Rawhide
They attempt to "Brand" you and leave their mark somewhere on your body.

Uh, Uh, Uh
They kiss you, but not quite, almost, but not quite. A little of this can be arousing, but when prolonged can become quite annoying. Heck, why do they need you?

Connect the Dots
They rapidly and sporadically kiss your entire facial area.

The Hoover
They kiss with the suction power of an upright vacuum cleaner.

The Deer in the Headlights
As you are passionately engaged in a pucker, you sneak a peak only to find them staring right back at you!

The Roto Rooter
Their tongue ventures so far down your throat that it actually begins to choke you.

The Rooster
They begin to kiss you, then suddenly pull way . . .lean forward, then draw back!

The Swordfish
They operate their tongue much like a swordfish uses it's snout, in a blunt and violent manner.

The Grouper
As they kiss you, their lips (which could require their own zip code) completely engulf yours.

The Deep Sea Diver
They rarely come up for air.

The Lizard
Their tongue darts in and out of your mouth like a reptile probing for its next victim.

Frozen in Time
They never change the position, posture or angle of their head. It is as if they have mastered kissing cryogenics.

The Squid
They seem to excrete an awful flavor. All you can think of is how to slip them a breath mint.

The Wrecking Ball
They kiss like a battering ram. Whoa, look out, here they come again!

Nick-o-Teen
Kissing them is like licking the contents of a dirty ash tray. When you're done, you feel like taking a shower.

The Dental Hygienist
They use their tongue in an annoying effort to brush your teeth for you.

The Sloth
They kiss incredibly slowly and never modify their pace. You're so bored that you begin to prepare the next day's to do list in your mind.

The Road Runner
Beep, beep. They seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere else or on to the "main event."

Rigormortis
Their tongue never relaxes, always remaining stiff as a board.

Casper
They kiss so softly that you can't tell whether or not it actually happened. This requires you to have a good imagination.

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